


I don't know where you're going but do you have room for one more troubled soul?

by Justafan



Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-07-15 07:01:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 13,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7212581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justafan/pseuds/Justafan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Young Brendon gets lost and hitches a ride with 2 strangers. Not the best idea, right? But it may have been the best decision Brendon never made.</p>
<p>New writer</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The beginning or more formally known as...the kidnapping

**Author's Note:**

> First time writing. The age is of I know just think of it like this: Brendon's 17 and fall out boy's 24-26 haven't really thought about it

Where am I going? The thought rang clear in Brendon's head. Brendon had just left his parents house with the small amount of belongings clinging to his back. He didn't know where he was going just that he was lost. He'd been walking for hours...Or was it minutes? He couldn't tell now the sun had got to him. The sun has disappeared now and the moon came out to play hide and seek amongst the clouds. Brendon would have found it a quite pleasing sight if he was not troubled with the thought of him being stuck in the middle of nowhere, next to a dusty road that had clearly not seen a car in years. What was he going to do? It had been another couple of hours before the battle between his legs and the road was finally resolved. His legs gave up and he passed out on the cold dusty ground dreaming of his home with his comfy bed and mum's homemade hot chocolate. The sound of a van thundering down the unused road almost caused him to stir, he could barely acknowledge the silence of this van as it came to a halt. He remained on the brink of unconsciousness as he felt strong hands lifting him and placing him in the backseat. He snuggle into the warmth of the seats and resumed his sleep. Brendon had always had a troublesome sleep schedule so during the night as he tossed and turned he picked up faint murmurs of conversation "What the fuck were you thinking, Stump?" "I couldn't just leave him to die, Pete"

"And what about when he wakes, what then? When he wakes up in a strange van, with 2 older strangers!?!"

"I don't know Pete, I don't fucking know! I couldn't just leave him there, look at him, he looks like he hasn't had a meal in days"

"This isn't going to end well"

*** Introduction

Brendon's POV

 

I woke with my back aching on a worn out back seat with a blanket tossed over me. I instantly sit up in the seat startled and try to recall the memories from the previous night. I anxiously looked around me and saw that I was the only one in the van ,so I quickly turned to the door. I wasn't surprised when it was locked, I backed up against the wall, my head in my hands. How did it get to this? Just a few days ago, I was sitting, eating dinner with my family and then... I shudder at the thought. With all my hope and energy gone I leaned back and once again went to sleep.

Pete's POV

We were sitting, Patrick and I , in a gas station diner both of us in a shocked silence. It was awkward to sit in an empty diner with the hum of the coffee machine and the cutlery banging on the plate as we ate. I had to do something.

"Are we just going to ignore the elephant in the room?"

I watched as Patrick's eyes left there out focused state which is what, I have come to know, his thinking state. He let the question drift in the air, unanswered. I had to speak out again.

"What are we going to do about our situation" I gestured to the van "In there?"

His eyes looked dazed and replied in a worried voice

" I don't know"

"Well you better fucking figure it out, before he wakes up and we're put in prison"

"What do you suppose I do ?"

"Leave him be, Patrick. Not everyone needs saving."

"Not everyone but he did, didn't you see him, lying shivering on the ground on some abandoned road? He needed someone to help"

"I just don't see why it had to be us"

"Because we're not psychopaths and we won't hurt him"

"He doesn't know that" I pause for a moment "but what if we are?"

Patrick smiles before getting out his wallet ,placing money on the table and walking out the diner, leaving me alone and unanswered. Begrudgingly I got up and followed.

Patrick turned round once we reached the van because he knew that I had followed him back. I would follow him to the ends of the earth and off a cliff if he asked me to. Dammit, it hurts how much I love him.

“So Pete, let's take him back to the apartment, when he wakes up we'll explain things and give him a meal or something and then maybe a lift back to his parents, or wherever he's going”

I nodded slowly, seriously regretting the mess we were getting ourselves into but it was too late as Patrick was already back in the passenger seat and into his thinking mode. Fuck it, I got in the car and started driving back home.


	2. Sometimes before it gets better the darkness gets bigger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brendon confronts his "captors". It's an emotional rollercoaster.

Brendon's POV 

I turn around half asleep so I'm on my stomach and bury my face into the soft pillow sighing in delight… Wait. A pillow? He sits up to a splitting headache and feet that felt like they were going to fall off. I'm on a bed. In a room. And I haven't got a clue where I am. Instantly I panic, trying to calm myself down I thought about how to distract myself. Sadly my anxiety got the better of me as soon enough my breathing is at an insane rate as I'm scratching my chest desperately, trying to get the air it needs. The door handle turns without me acknowledging it and I see a slightly older man's face turn white as he sees me struggling to breathe. Within a millisecond he is by my side, his soothing words were the only thing I could focus on.

“You're fine. I'm here. You're not alone. Just keep breathing ,ok? Keep breathing?”

I bury my face in my hands and once regaining my breath, I slipped away into the dark abyss of dreams.

I awaken once more to the sound and smell of something cooking. I know I shouldn't leave but my stomach got the better of me, the rumbling loud enough to be considered as thunder. I made my way downstairs as I followed my nose. Upon entering the room I picked up on how modern it looked. My house was far more basic, far more cheaper. Well, my old house now. I looked at the 2 men sat at a white marble breakfast bar, their backs turned away from me. I slipped out as the thought of facing these unknown people terrified me. Walking across the hall, I saw a door. Not just any door, a front door. I practically ran to it but I was being careful not to make a sound, as if the slightest creak would send them running. I reached the door and it seemed as if my kidnapping would be over before it had begun. I reached out, clasped the door handle, turned with determination and hope… It was locked and worse so, it creaked like hell. I froze as I heard the kitchen door open and a blonde haired man appeared. I flinched and raised my arms in anticipation of anything that was to come. 

“Oh good you're awake. Don't be worried, we won't hurt you. I know we've got some explaining to do. Can you come into the kitchen so we can talk about it?”

I looked at him in confusion,awkwardly lowering my hands as he turned and went back to the previous room. I followed him with warily with curiosity steering me forward. I entered the kitchen once more, only this time they're eyes were on me. I looked down at the modern faux black wooden floors. 

“Em, so I'm Patrick and this is Pete and we're not going to hurt you, we just found you lying on a road in the middle of nowhere and thought you needed help, ok?”

I replied cautiously “where am I?”

“You're in our apartment in New York”

“Why? For how long?”

“You passed out on the side of a road shivering and weakening we couldn't let you die there and as for how long you've been unconscious for 2 days”

I stared at him, unblinking, emotionless trying to hide my fear. It's a good trait to have, to not be able to show your emotions, one that I have mastered except when my anxiety wins the battle between my heart and my brain to which I often don't know what side I'm on.

The other guy hasn't spoken. Pete, I think it was. He just stares at me but at the same time not at me more like through me into my soul. The other one, Patrick, looks at me once more when he says

“Do you want a lift home?”

Home. If only I could go back there. My family the ones who were meant to love me for ever. I couldn't do it, couldn't hide my emotions, I sit down on the cold floor and start quietly sobbing. The two males exchanged shocked and worrying glances, they had no idea what to do. Uncomfortably Patrick sat down awkwardly patting my shoulder.

“It's ok, so I take it homes not an option? You can stay here as long as want, it's ok.” 

It was so comforting, and his warmth reminded me of home, ignoring everything I had taught myself about not getting emotional I leaned into his shoulder and sobbed. He told me I could stay here but I know it's not for long, don't get to attached I warned myself it just makes it all the more sad when they get bored of you and cast you to the side, forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's sad but just look at the chapter name for an explanation ;-)


	3. Happiness is limited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy stuff. Brendon meets the rest of the band but I don't go into much detail

1 month later

 

I put the key in the lock with great struggle, juggling the shopping bags that I was swamped with. Finally, I thought as the door swung open and I stepped inside. I could hear the muffled sound of frozen coming from the upstairs living room. Ugh. Not again brendon. After disposing of my groceries I headed up to the living room “let it go” getting louder by the step.

“Hey, B.” I said from the doorway. I stepped in to get a closer look at what has happened.

Brendon sat not on the couch, but had used all our pillows and blankets to create a fort which he was wrapped adorably in. 

“ Hey patty cakes!”

Not long after Brendon had moved in, I had noticed that his childness was in overload and I loved it that way. The first week was hard for all of us but especially Brendon. When he started watching and singing disney, building forts, snuggling in with Pete and I, and walking around the apartment drowned on blankets my heart was filled with joy. He was just a kid after all, he didn't deserve the things the world threw at him and 90% of the time I had just wanted to hug him close and tell him everything's going to be ok.

“Pat? Heeelllllooo? You in there?”

“Yeah sorry, I zoned out. So, whatcha watchin?” I asked laughing.

“oh just a movie called frozen” he replied sarcastically “ I don't think you'd know it.” He laughed in his cute giggly way and to me he seemed so happy just in that moment humming along to “let it go” and sitting comfy in his fort. I sat down to give him a cuddle.

Brendon's POV 

I had gotten used to Patrick's drowning affection with his ruffling of hair and bear hugs but before just around a month ago he couldn't even go near me without me flinching. Once he went to hug me for some reason I couldn't remember, we were sitting at the breakfast bar and when he reached in for a hug so abruptly I had flinched hard enough to fall of the seat. Now however I finally know that hugs are really nice and comforting and Patrick gives the best ones. Not that I've had many, sure Pete's a hugger but not as full on as patrick. And my family would never dream of giving me a hug or even, showing emotion. But it's ok, Pete and Patrick are my family now and that's never going to change. Not soon after Patrick had sat and cuddled, Pete joined us. He'd been doing something or another in the studio. Oh, the studio. It was a giant soundproofed room filled with all types of instruments ranging from drums to the flute. Pete spends a lot of time in there, writing lyrics. I found out that they were in a band, quite a popular band actually. I had never listened to them of course, with my families strict rules that if it's not religious music, it's a sin. Upon hearing Fall Out Boy I instantly fell in love with their and those like theirs music. Since then whilst they're away at practice I've been sneaking into the studio in an attempt to learn the instruments. They didn't say I couldn't go inside the studio but then again, they also didn't say I could so I thought it best not to tell them. However I was dying to tell someone about the songs I'd been writing.

Patrick and Pete never ceased to tell me about their music, they'd just dropped an album and apparently it's selling really well. I'm really happy for them, I know how much music means to them. I've seen the way Patrick smile brightens when music is mentioned and the ways Pete's eyes light up with a fire I know only music can light. 

Meeting Joe and Andy was the best. I got really anxious in anticipation, pacing up and down the living room and when told to sit down, my leg bouncing uncontrollably with my fingers drumming a frantic beat into my knees. What if they don't like me? What if they don't want me here? What if… what if? My mind was racing. My heart as well as my body jumped upon hearing the door bang open and shut, several pairs of footsteps echoing from the corridor.

“Brendon? We're back.” 

I took a deep breath, smiled and stepped out into the corridor. From then onwards I have loved Joe and Andy.

I was happy. We were happy. And then it happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know! The bad writing, the suspense, it must be killing you. Should I continue? I don't know if I should?


	4. Once loved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sad, happy then sad again. This chapter is about the worst one yet. But don't worry! More awfulness is yet to come

Patrick entered the house filled with joy before he heard it. Painful sobs coming from the studio. Oh no, he thought as he rushed to the room, the door keeping it sound-proofed slightly open. He saw Brendon lying on the floor in a corner the laptop beside him opened on the fall out boy website. 

Just before Brendon noticed Patrick, Pete burst in and crouched by Brendon instantly Patrick done the same.

“Don't leave…I can't go back-don't leave me alone...I can't, I can't” Brendon said battling through his sobs. It broke both of their hearts to see him like this.

Pete was the first to speak up “Why would we leave B? What happened?”

“You're going on tour, for months…” He paused with the lack of air in his lungs.

“And who's to say you aren't coming as well?” Patrick said.

For a moment dumbfounded Brendon looked up at the 2 men, eyes glistening with tears and new found hope. He remained like that for a few moments when…

“Really?” In a voice just above a whisper. Both of them nodded.

With a growing confidence “ Really? Really?!?”

“Of course you are, what would we do without you're adorable face all day?”

With a millisecond Brendon was up and bouncing off the walls, back to his normal energetic self and then multiplied by 1000. Patrick couldn't help but smile.

“Well now we've got to pack and throw a going away party and do shopping and get new instruments and…” Brendon already fast voice got lost in a jumble of rushed words.

“B, calm down.” Pete laughed “There's plenty of time for everything ok?. We go in 3 weeks.”

“Only 3 weeks?!? That's not nearly enough time!”

“Well first things first, we need to choose the band's we're touring with. And we'll need your help with that.”

“Mine really, pat? What's the options?”

“Our record company has said 2 other starting band's so we'll look through them and see which ones, ok? Joe and Andy are coming over as well tonight.” Pete was using slow smooth words in a failed attempt to calm Brendon down.

“Ok. Ok ! Let's do this! I'll order a pizza!”

Brendon bounced out of the studio, leaving Patrick and Pete shaking their heads at each other. This is going to be one hell of a tour.

By the time the pizzas arrived Joe and Andy were already here and the band and Brendon were in a heated discussion about who to pick for the starter band's.

“Panic's not even released an album and I don't know if their lead singer is a strong as singer as he should be. I just don't know if they're worth the risk.” Patrick had counteracted to Pete's previous statement on how they simply “had to have” this band.

The doorbell rang and Brendon raced to the door just like he always did. He'd always loved answering the door and he didn't even care that he had pizza half smeared across his face where he had missed his mouth.

Starting his usual introduction that he used with all the doorbell ringers he said “Hi! I'm bren… Oh my god!” the glass of soda that was in his hand slipped and fell to the floor shattering. Brendon stared speechless as a woman stepped into the hallway.

“Please do not use God's name in vain. Now is this where Patrick Stump, Pete Wentz and Brendon Urie live?”

“How did you find me? Why are you here?”

“Trust me it was hard, now where is Mr Stump and Wentz? O have an urgent matter to discuss with them.”

“No.”

“No? I have every right to go see them.” At that moment the band made their way to the hall with worrying glances at the woman and the smashed glass.

“Ah, there you are.” She said looking behind Brendon. “Which one of you are Patrick Stump and Pete Wentz?”

Just as they went to step forward and speak up, Brendon blocked their way.  
“No you will not do this to me, not again. I have built a good life here, I don't need you to come in here and ruin it just like the first time. I won't allow it.”

“Oh now that's just petty Brendon, I didn't ruin your life, you did. As soon as you confessed to…” she shudders before continuing in a whisper. “Thinking of boys in an ungodly manner...” she continues at a normal pace. “It was then you that condemned yourself to eternal damnation but thankfully I am back to cleanse your sins and start afresh”

“No. I do not need to have my sins cleansed and I don't need to be ashamed of who I am and who I love.”

“But you're too young! You're just confused and I know that now! You're too young to be gay!”

“Oh so you're too young to know your sexuality only if that sexuality is not straight." He replied sarcastically "you sicken me.”

Being the first member to speak Pete cleared his throat and said “em, who are you?”

But the woman ignored the man's question and stepped forward so she was towering over Brendon due to her and Brendon's height difference. Pausing for a minute she looked long and hard at his face as if searching for something, Brendon blasted back at her. Then, without warning, she raised her hand and struck his face hard, hard enough that he was knocked back

“That is not how to speak to your mother!”

The whole band's mouth's dropped as they asked in unison.

“Mother?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot twist!


	5. A rude interruption by a recognised stranger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The band and Brendon were just chatting about who to go on tour with when bam! Some plot twist turned up. What will happen???

“That is not how to speak to your mother!”

The whole band's mouth's dropped as they asked in unison 

“Mother?” 

“Close your mouths before you all catch flies. Now before I lose my patience, Patrick Stump. Pete Wentz. May I speak to you?”

Joe spoke up before Patrick or Pete could get a word in. “You hit Brendon, what the fuck was that for?” while Andy was bent down looking at the bright red mark on Brenon’s cheek. The mother laughed cruelly before her face resumed its serious state as she said “Watch your tongue, God's watching.”

“Yeah, and how just watch you strike your own son.” Joe viciously spat the words out at her. 

“God understands that it is Brendon’s own fault and that he deserves his punishment.”

“You're sick.” Joe said shaking his head. Brendon's mother suddenly lost her patience  
“I will not ask again. Let me speak to Patrick and Pete!” The all too familiar shout of his mother made brendon flinch. The band noticed, engaging in a silent argument with their minds and eyes. Eventually pete said  
“Let's talk in the other room, Mrs… Sorry I didn't catch your last name?”

“You've been living with my son for a month now and didn't even know his last name?” her sharp tone made Brendon wince as if he had been struck again.

With a sudden burst of confidence patrick blurted out “ We weren't the ones who left him alone and abandoned because of who he loves, we weren't the ones hitting him if he spoke slightly out of line however we were the ones who were there picking him up on the side of the road where he was left to the and taking him to a place where he was finally allowed to be himself!” The sudden outburst supposed everyone, Patrick never argued or raised his voice. He cleared his throat and clapped his hands together “Well shall we go to that talk that you've been dying to have?” casting a glare that could kill at Brendon’s mother. However she was not giving up she held her head high, counteracted his state and made her way to the living room where she sat down. 

Patrick turned to the group “Ok, Joe, Andy? Take brendon into the kitchen and press something cold on his cheek, I think it might be bleeding where her ring caught it” he paused and bent down beside Brendon and tilted his head so that he was facing Patrick “Don't worry, we will not let her say or do anything that would harm or affect you in any way, ok, Brendon?” Brendon nodded slightly, his body still shaking. “alright!” He stood up and turned to face Pete “Let us go forth to defeat the religious nut monster!” He entered the living room and Pete followed. 

“Let me go straight to the point. This phase has gone on too long. I'm here to take Brendon home where he can be fixed in our psychiatric hospital.”

The men stared at her in disbelief “ What?”

“I know, I know. I would never usually go against God and check him into that hospital but” she sighed “I fear Satan already has him. With his gayness being allowed to blossom. So, let's gather his stuff and we’ll both be off.” She smiled a strained smile. “Fuck this shit, Pete you can put the bitch in her place.” and with that Patrick left. Pete stood up and laughed maniacally and brendon's mother looked up at him with fear in her eyes as if he might just be acutely insane.

“Now you listen hear, Brendon isn't fucking leaving with you if you try to come here again and get him I'll call the police for assault, you understand ? Brendon is happy here. I will never, never let you ruin that. He hates you. No, it's worse than that, he fears you. I wonder what it feels like to be such an awful person that even your son cowers away from you. Now get the fuck out of me and Patrick's, my boyfriend's apartment.” With a shocked look on her face she said in a bit so threatening voice “This isn't over, I will get Brendon help it's what God wants. And may God save your sins as well.” She turned, walked out the door and left through the front door slamming it behind her in a fit of frustrated rage.

Pete entered the kitchen where a joyous energy had emerged with Brendon almost back to his energetic self when Pete entered all fell silent. He cracked his knuckles and grinned “I don't think she'll be bothering us anymore” Brendon went white as he said in a voice just above a terrified whisper “Did she say she would bring my father?” the fear in his eyes made Pete wonder how bad Brendon's life really was. “No she didn't mention anything” Brendon let out a breath of relief, not even noticing he'd been holding it. He then decked an enormously cute smile sayin “Do you know what? I think we should go with panic! And that twenty one pilots band. They seem to be the coolest there.”  
All of the band nodded in agreement and there they were, making their first decision for the tour that was going to better brendon’s already great life and none of them even knew it yet.

Andy and Joe stated over after talking well into the night about the oncoming tour, no one bringing up the scene that has taken places all but a few hours ago. In the early morning Brendon was up and following an online recipe for pancakes sewing as he had never ate let alone made them before. Thankfully they were successful and as Brendon was placing them on the places patrick walked in running his eyes with Andy following soon after. “Oh, B, you made pancakes! My favourite” patrick sat down and began tucking in. Andy smiled sheepishly and murmured a thanks before sitting down. Brendon knew conversations with Andy always started that way, with him being incredibly shy until you go further into the conversation and then he's the most talkative person in the world aside from Brendon. Within an hour Pete and Joe had rolled out of their news and Andy was in an intense conversation with Brendon about his past and his parents. There was something about Andy that made Brendon trust him with his life and he found himself telling him everything, things he would have never told anyone, all spilling out. He knew Andy wouldn't say anything about it to the others, it was their unspoken agreement. “ B, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. No one deserves those kind of things.” Andy reached forward and ruffled his hair, a gesture Brendon knew to be his equivalent to giving a massive hug as to not draw attention to themselves and to the reason Brendon had needed a hug in the first place and a gesture Brendon thoroughly enjoyed. Brendon sitting here realised that in this environment, he felt comfortable with talking about his deepest and darkest secrets, his hopes, his dreams and his fears. In this moment where they were just all sitting eating eating pancakes and talking, he felt truly at peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I kind of cut off the mum quite fast but I have a feeling this won't be the last we see of her.(It might be if i get bored) The story's going a bit slow but I swear ryden and peterick is coming. With a bit of Joshler for a bit of pizzaz.


	6. The journey of the auntie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They are starting the tour! But then... The plot thickens!!!

“Come on! Come on, come on, come on!” Brendon buzzed about the van, practically vibrating in excitement. The band were all excited but too tired to hold Brendon’s energy. Patrick shook his head and smiled at the ball of energy that just wouldn't calm down, wondering where all of it came from. Patrick, Pete, Joe and Andy were all loading the van whilst Brendon whined impatiently, eager to do everything except help.

“Brendon, calm down.” Pete said in a serious tone but with a smiling face, you couldn't help but to smile when Brendon was there he just brought the world's happiness in his pocket.

“Are we there yet?” He replied teasingly.

“We're not even on the road yet, little one.” said Andy cheerfully, unaware of the joke.

Brendon just grinned and ran around the van where he stopped at his artwork. He had created the FOB logo one sleepless night and had spray painted it on as a surprise. It had taken all his courage to do it and he had been terrified when he showed it to them, the fear of them not liking it and then hating him for ruining their van had been running wild in his head. He still remembered how his stomach was in knots and he felt like he couldn't breathe. Looking at it now was remembering the feeling when they told him it was the official logo and was out on their merchandise.

Today was the day. The first day of touring, he had met all the crew and sat through all the rehearsals in awe of the side of the stage, the stadium and the greatness of their performance. It was like that were pouring their souls out for all to see. The only thing Brendon hadn’t seen was the other bands. They had a day free before the shows where all the band's would meet and do whatever band’s do. Brendon didn't know what they would do, however he did know that he was going to be there for all of it watching the magic events unfold from the safety of backstage and therefore couldn't “calm down” as Pete had been constantly saying. With a sigh of happiness he skipped back to the band who had almost finished packing.

“Alright!” Joe said as they loaded the last of the stuff “ Shall we?”

Everyone piled into the van with Joe in the driver's seat. Brendon bouncing his knee up and down as soon as he sat down and they were just about to leave when…

“Wait!” Brendon had said while jumping up and taking the keys to the apartment. He threw open the door, sprawling out and turned to them with a toothy grin “Back in a minute!” with that he sprinted into the apartment building. Patrick and Andy tutted and shook their heads whilst Pete turned to Joe triumphantly  
“I told you he would forget something! Pay up!”  
With a groan Joe shoved his hand into his pocket and took out a twenty. “Why do I bet with you, Wentz?”  
Pete ruffled Joe's hair “Because you love me” Pete said enthusiastically and returned to his seat.

A moment later Brendon returned with something fluffy ,grayish white and faded clutches in his hand. Patrick turned to him.  
“ You almost forgot pretty odd!”

Pete asked curiously “ What's pretty odd?”

Brendon replied in his rushed and energetic way “ It's not a what, it's a Who!” emphasising the last word as he shoved a worn out teddy into Pete's face that was no bigger than his hand.

“My auntie gave it to me . I absolutely loved her and it, she used to say that I was different, that I was pretty odd and that I was something special. She was the only person in my family that was different and she was my role model until…” He stopped and looked down his knee stopping it's frantic dance.

“My mother stopped her from seeing me, then turned the whole family against her because she worked at a music store that had the devil's music in it. She lost her job, her place in the house, everything…” He stopped again tears welling up in his eyes. “She left when she was 23 and I never saw her again, my mother had gotten rid of all of the stuff she bought for me saying that it was vulgar and so was she but I kept this. That's where I was walking to, to try and find auntie Ella but I didn't know where she was...” he leaned into the hug that Patrick had offered him as he talked and let the years he had been holding for too long out whilst the others stared in disbelief, Brendon had never before mentioned anything about his family or the day patrick and Pete found him and this new found knowledge shocked them all.

After a moment of silence Brendon Sat up from Patrick's shoulder and smiled through weary eyes  
“Ok, sad moment over. Let's hit the road!”

They all smiled and cheered as the van started and they began driving. Brendon rolled down the window and shouted out into the early morning sun and people beginning their day.

“Fall out boy is coming!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know auntie Ella's age doesn't make sense but please go with it cause I want Brendon to have a cool, young, musical auntie and it's an AU so I can do what I want .


	7. When the day met the night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title tells all. Ryden is beginning. Grab the popcorn and the tissues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I haven't posted on a while I've been on holiday but I'm back!

They all smiled and cheered as the van started and they began driving. Brendon rolled down the window and shouted out into the early morning sun and people beginning their day. 

“Fall out boy is coming!”

 

Brendon and fall out boy were about to meet the other bands which consisted of: the band Twenty øne piløts, members- Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun and the band Panic! At the disco, members - Ryan Ross, Spencer Smith and Brent Wilson. Brendon had memorized the names of said people because he was terrified he would do something wrong when meeting them and make things awkward for the rest of the tour. He would be surrounded by musicians, he couldn't mess this up. 

Pete and Patrick knocked on the bathroom door.

“Come on dude, Joe and Andy are in the car we can't be late for rehearsal.” Pete groaned in a kind but frustrated tone.

Brendon had been pacing around the bathroom for the last few minutes his nerves going crazy.

“What if they don't like me? What if I don't like them? I bet they're all cool and everything with their music skills and what am I? A blob of useless junk. Of course they won't like me, I'm not even meant to be here maybe I should just go home…” Brendon was more talking to himself than the 2 band members on the other side of the door.

“B? B calm down, you're not a blob of useless junk and you certainly do not deserve to go back to that monstrosity you once called home. And what are you talking about? They will love you B because you're 100% loveable. Now come out before Wentz breaks down the door. Please?” the 2 waited patiently until the door opened and a worried looking Brendon stepped out and started towards the door, they followed.

When they arrived at the venue that were greeted by a slightly big stage with a much bigger audience space. Everything was all ready and the other bands were waiting in a side room. Fall out boy, followed by a nervous Brendon, entered the room.

“Hi we're fall out boy. I'm Patrick, this is Pete, Joe and Andy looking forward to touring with you!”

The other bands stood up and a guy spoke up “Hi! I'm Tyler and this is Josh and we're twenty øne piløts and I don't know why you introduced yourself I mean you're famous but this to meet you in person it's an honour.” He stuck out his hand and gave them all a manly half-hug, half-handshake as did the other member Josh.

The other 2 men in the room walked to them from where they were sitting   
“Ross has just gone for a smoke but I'm Spencer this is is Brent and we're panic! At the disco.”

“Nice to meet you.” Pete said before he looked around him, confused “Patrick? Where's Brendon?”

Brendon had ran as soon as Patrick introduced them, he couldn't do it, his fear of rejection was to strong for him to handle and the thing he knew best was, when faced with fear, you can always run. So that's what he did, ran all the way out of the venue and to the outside world through the back exit as he sat on the step with his head in his hands he mumbled to himself  
“stupid-stupid-stupid. You ruined it! You ran out and now everyone's going to think you're weird and you don't even belong there and...and-you're just stupid!”

“You know” a voice spoke from behind Brendon, soft and with a smirk yet Brendon didn't look at the stranger who was speaking. “I don't think you're stupid at all, a bit crazy, maybe since you're out here talking to yourself and all but not stupid. But then again I might be wrong but I've always thought, crazy equals genius and if you're as crazy as I think you are then you're certainly not stupid.” He paused for a second “ that makes sense, doesn't it? Eh, probably not but anyway… My name's Ryan Ross, what's yours?”

Brendon froze. Ryan ross. Like panic! At the disco Ryan. And he just ruined it by talking to himself. He turned around slowly… What he saw shocks him. The cutest boy with the deepest brown eyes stared down at him with a smile that could light up a room. Brendon was momentarily shocked at the brown scruffy haired boy sticking his hand out at him. The boy with a pretty scarf and- Oh my God, Brendon’s heart stopped- eyeliner. This man was gorgeous. And, oh yeah, he thought Brendon was crazy. He quickly shook his hand to avoid being caught staring but he was pretty sure Ryan already knew but didn't care.

“Aren't you gonna tell me your name?”


	8. Why do I feel so nervous around him?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan and brendon have ultimate bonding moment. Ryan might have troubled secrets of his own. brendon freaks out. But...The tour is tomorrow!

It was their 4th and final rehearsal together. It's funny how many rehearsals you could fit in 2 days. Tomorrow night the tour would begin. Brendon had slowly become his normal self again by that time after the awkward and scared introductions...but he couldn't help but to be nervous around Ryan. The man was a God. His music was amazing. He had so much emotion in it. Brendon could only ever dream of writing songs like that. The other bands hadn't questioned why Brendon was at every rehearsal yet never seemed to have a set job. It was not that he didn't help out, though, because Brendon done everything to help. He felt he had to repay fall out boy for everything they done for him. 

Ryan had been watching the boy very carefully and he had picked up on 3 things.   
1\. He doesn't talk about his past.   
2\. He disappears into the room where the instruments are kept at around 7 pm and doesn't go back to the hotel until around 3 am.(Since Ryan's a total insomniac, he's still awake at said time.)  
3\. Brendon was constantly staring at Ryan. 

It was cute the boy had a crush on him. He could use that someday but he had to find out what Brendon does in the instrument room late at night. The mystery of it all was eating away at him. 

After the final practice was finished the band's are a quick pizza dinner with the crew then left for an early night in anticipation for tomorrow's opening show. Ryan knew he ought to get an early night and he also knew he wasn't going to. Besides he had to figure out what Brendon was doing anyway. Brendon slipped away on cue and entered the music room. It was sound proofed so Ryan had no idea what Brendon was doing in there. He waited 15 minutes until the rest of the band's had left and then followed. He entered the room as silently as he could, it was a large room and the entrance was hidden by a set of drums so Brendon didn't see Ryan enter.

Brendon had a notebook laid out on a piano whilst sitting in the piano stool with a guitar balancing dangerously on his knees. As well as that he was singing. When Ryan first heard his voice his heart skipped a beat. It was beautiful. Possibly the best he'd ever heard.

“When the moon fell in love with the sun  
All was...something... in the sky  
All was...something... when the day met the night” Brendon stopped to write something in his notebook. Then scribble it out again. He dropped the notebook with a sigh. Ryan stepped out from behind the drums and the shadows, Brendon had his back to him. 

“Golden” Ryan said, making Brendon jump and drop the guitar. He quickly picked it up, knocking his notebook over in the process.

“Em,I,uh. Sorry, I can leave it you don't want me here. Why did you say golden?” Brendon spoke so fast Ryan could barely work out what he was saying.

“The song. You know “all was...something...in the sky?” You could use golden.” 

Brendon stared at him for a moment before writing it in his notebook.  
“Golden, of course! Why couldn't I think of that? Because you're stupid Brendon, you know that…” he was mumbling away more to himself than Ryan.

“Can I stay and see what other songs you got? I didn't know you sang. Or wrote music. I could help if you want.You're pretty amazing by yourself though.”

“Really. You think so?” Brendon looked at him with hopeful eyes. Ryan smiled his dazzling smile and nodded. 

“Yeah sure, you can stay. I've got other stuff but they're not really that good.” He said quickly while flicking through his notebook.

Not before long 7 pm turned to 3 am and Ryan and Brendon were sitting laughing together while playing guitars lazily.

“...And then Pete went in and realized… Patrick was asleep!”

They both laughed and Brendon leaned against Ryan, instinctively Ryan put his arm around him. 

“You ready for the tour?” Brendon asked. Ryan just sighed.

“I don't know if I’m the best voice for it… You're much better.”

“Are you suggesting I join the band?” Brendon asked, laughing again, but then he saw the seriousness on Ryan’s face.

The night had been so good for Ryan. It had been the happiest moment he’d had for a long, long time. Looking at Brendon’s face, the way his eyes lit up with adoration when he talked about Patrick, Pete,Joe or Andy, the way he would giggle as he told many, many Disney related stories and the way he would look at Ryan when he thought he wasn't watching and the blush that appeared every time Ryan caught him in the act. He really liked this mysterious kid who wouldn't talk about his past and knew how to play just about every instrument in the world. And that voice. That voice. He couldn't deny it. His voice was angelic, better than Ryan for miles. He would be perfect for the band but… Why had he ran away?

“No...No. I can't-I couldn't...I've got to go.Getting late.” Brendon grabbed his notebook and rushed to the door. Ryan called after him.

“Brendon wait! I didn't mean to upset you. Please come back.I...” but Brendon had left without looking back before he could finish. 

He whispered to the empty room.

“...I...Don't want to be alone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has problems and I can't keep up! Someone needs to seriously stop this. I'm creating way to many plot-holes.


	9. First night of your next life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First night of the tour

The next day Brendon avoided Ryan but stayed his normal cheery self with the crew and the bands. He looked more nervous for opening night than any of them. He kept giving a nervous Patrick hugs and talked encouragingly to the other bands. The day went quick and suddenly the venue was filling up, before the show started Brendon was of to the side selling merch. It surprised him just how many people were here. All to see opening night. The energy was crazy. He talked with all the fans buying merch and his heart filled with pride whenever they said that Fall Out Boy’s music had changed, inspired or saved them. Once it was announced that the show was starting he slipped backstage. The bands especially Panic! And TOP looked the most nervous. They were just starting in this business and for a first show, it was packed because of Fall Out Boy. 

And then it was time. Panic! Was the starting band and went up first. The applause they got at the start was wary for the unknown band. Despite it being their first performance, they performed as if they had been on the stage a hundred times. The applause at the end was wild.

Brendon stood in the same spot for the whole performance. Not just for Panic! But Fall out boy and TOP too. When Fall Out Boy started the crowd went ecstatic. The energy than Fall Out Boy gave off whilst performing was electric. Brendon was mesmerized. The whole crowd was mesmerized. Panic! Was good but Fall Out Boy were born performers. Brendon wanted to be on the stage. Singing his heart out just like patrick was doing. When they finished the first half Brendon was speechless. TOP came on and done their thing, which was unique and cool, and tyler kept jumping, the crowd loved it. Then Fall Out Boy went on and completed the second half. It finished with all the bands coming together and taking a bow. The crowd was screaming. Brendon wanted to be there.Out.On stage. Then his anxiety kicked in so he pushed out that thought.

“Holy crap dudes! That was awesome!” Brendon shouted over the roar of the crowd to Fall Out Boy, who had just left the stage. They all looked exhausted but happy. Patrick immediately pulled them in for a group hug.

“This...is going to be a great tour...because of what we have. Here. Right now. We have a family.” He directed his gaze at Brendon, whose heart was pounding in love for all his family. Not his old unlovable family. But Fall Out Boy. His real family.

The other bands were all doing similar. Well… Except for Twenty one pilots who were...um, engaged in a heavy make out session. Brendon was shocked, he'd never seen such, emotion and love poured into one kiss. Josh broke the kiss with a giant grin and quickly missed Tyler on the nose making him laugh and walked over to Panic! to congratulate them. Fall Out Boy broke off the group hug and went to do the same. It ended up being a mass of bro hugs and hair ruffles. The after show adrenalin was in full swing, even Brendon, despite not even going on stage. He stole quick secretive glances at Ryan. His sweat messing up his hair, his smile that wouldn't come off his excited, no erratic, face and then the eyes. The soft big brown eyes that could stare into your soul and make you spill your deepest secrets or make you...fall in love. During the process of getting lost in said eyes, Brendon didn't notice that they had met his direction, when he noticed he had been caught, he looked away, his cheeks burning. Ryan said something to the other band members, not taking his eyes of Brendon, and walked over to Brendon. 

“Enjoy the show?”

Brendon knew he had to look at Ryan, it would be awkward if he didn't but if he did it would put him at the risk of him falling into those eyes again. Oh well, he turned and smiled brightly.

“Of course. You were amazing by the way.”

Brendon swore he saw Ryan blush at the compliment but he shook his head at the thought. Cool, beautiful Ryan wouldn't blush at the sad, stupid mess called Brendon.

“It would be better with you up there with me.”

Brendon's eyes grew wide. He couldn't. Could he? No, Ryan was just pretending. No one would want to see you up on stage especially Ryan.

“I couldn't”

“Well, you need to audition because the band hasn't heard you yet but I've already told them how great you are and how you just picked up the instruments and taught yourself and about your killer voice so it wouldn't take much to convince them. What do you say?”

“You...you.” Brendon was shocked “You think I'm great? You want me-me to try out?” He paused for a moment “No of course not Brendon you're being stupid again, you can't do this to yourself, not again. Stop getting your hopes up.” Ryan looked at him, confused, why was Brendon talking to himself? Why was Brendon doubting himself? With his voice, he should be in a prime state of confidence. Brendon speaking directly to him interrupted the thoughts in his head.

“No, Ryan.”

Before Ryan could say anything, Brendon started walking towards the band. He saw Andy first and walked up and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. The best thing about Andy is when you need a hug he'll give you one, no questions asked. Before Brendon could explain his outburst of affection Pete cleared his throat loudly to get everyone's attention.

“Great first show, everyone! Nothing went wrong, the audience loved it and I can already tell this tour's going to be a good one so let's make the most of it. Let's hit the town!”

There was a string of cheering as everyone followed Pete out, Patrick beside him as he whispered something in his ear. Pete smiled at whatever Patrick had said and looped an arm around his waist. Andy turned to Brendon. “You ok?”

“Everything's great. Just wanted to congratulate you on the show.” he said with a smile. He didn't want to ruin anyone's night with his problems and he certainly didn't want that bright smile on Andy's face to fade. 

“ Well ok then, you coming with us?”

“Wouldn't miss it”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kinda becoming sloppy with my writing now and I know it's been awhile. I'll try to post more I promise. Thanks for sticking with me this long if you did.


	10. Abraham Lincoln drinks coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This doesn't have much plot I just wanted to add in a short story of Brendon being drunk for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I haven't posted much!!! I have been in holiday and I'll be back at school soon and... UGH there is never enough time so I thought I would give you a cute story about drunk Brendon.

The rest of the night was uneventful. He talked with Spencer a lot who didn't question him about joining the band and he turned out to be a really good guy. By the time the night was over, Brendon was in high spirits as well as very, very drunk from the alcohol fall out boy has sneaked the slightly underaged Brendon. When everyone decided to call it a night, Brendon had no intention to sleep. 

“...And so then, THEN, I shit you not good sir… I-I the great and powerful oz! “ Brendon paused his dramatic drunken speech to give a twirl on the road that they were walking home on. “I-was-invited to…” He leaned in to where Spencer and Jon were standing, Spencer opened his mouth to speak which Brendon promptly shushed with a shaky finger “WAIT! Pause for anticipation” he waited a minute looking deep into Spencer's eyes.

“I was invited to...Tea with Abraham Lincoln !”

Brendon had removed the finger from Spencer's lips to do several more twirls. “Do you know? I think you're lying” Jon spoke up smugly. Spencer nodded beside him. Ryan, who walked several steps behind, contributed another helpful load of nothing.

Brendon abruptly stopped twirling, his face twisted in disbelief.

“Why would you think of such a thing?”

“Because” Spencer pointed at him and stumbled,almost as drunk as Brendon. “Everyone knows Abraham Lincoln drinks coffee! Brendon liar Urie!”

“Me? A liar ? Never! How could I ever lie to my closest friends in the world, you Spence-Spence” he pointed at spencer “you, johnny runner.” pointed at Jon “It's walker” mumbled Jon “Whatever. And…” Brendon looked around for the next position the finger would point. “Ry-Ro? Where are you?” he sang in a sweet childish voice. Ryan, from a few steps away from the drunken group spoke up, annoyed “I'm right here Brendon and don't let FOB hear about who you're closest friends in the world are. Let's just get you back to the van.”

“They won't find out because they're not here!” Brendon giggled “They went back early with the sexy drummer and the little ukulele man. But we… we will never surrender!”

“Come on bren we gotta go.” 

“You're no fun Spence!” Brendon whined “I don't wanna go home!”

“Come on bren, I'll get you ice cream tomorrow.” Jon knew his words were empty promises as Brendon would probably too hungover to move tomorrow.

“No!NoNoNoNo!” Brendon sat down on the sidewalk, arms crossed and lip pouted.

Ryan muttered something under his breath, said “Fuck it”, ran up to brendon and picked him up bridal style.

A moment later, Brendon fell asleep


	11. Sleeping won't cleanse your drunken soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been soooooo long!

When Brendon woke his head was pounding, he groaned and mumbled something incoherent into his pillow in the backseat of the van. He heard a laugh either from Pete or Andy or the Easter bunny for all that he cared. 

“Hey kiddo” only Joe called him that so Brendon knew without needing to lift his head, not that he would want to, off the pillow. “How you feeling” his voice was purposely quiet but it still made brendon wince. 

“m’great. Time?” he groaned, his voice shaky and broken.

“Hold on a minute.” Brendon felt his presence leave and then return a moment later.

“I got water. You're gonna need it.” Brendon didn't move.

“Bren you need to lift your head.” Brendon groaned some more and begrudgingly lifted his head and squinted his eyes despite the pounding resistance in his head.

Joe handed him the water and he eagerly gulped it down.

“My head…” brendon groaned, his voice slowly returning.

“I know, kiddo. I, know. And it's 1.30pm by the way.”

“What!” and then groaned at the volume of his tone.

“Yeah, you were pretty drunk last night, you shouldn’t have drunk that much on your first time.” he paused to laugh “but man, it was cool. I mean you were awesome last night and man, you just downed those drinks. I'm surprised you lasted that long anyway.”

“Stop encouraging him” said Patrick, seemingly appearing from nowhere. “What he done was wrong, very wrong.”

“Alright babe, stop being an overprotective mother.” said Pete jokingly, coming up from behind Patrick and wrapping his arms around his waist.

“Shut up Pete” turning round Patrick kissed Pete lightly on the lips that were smirking cockily.

“Hey!” Andy said and opening the van. “Oh, you're awake” lowering his voice “sorry. And I brought you something for your hangover.” he gave brendon a glass of a strange green liquid that he drank quickly, ignoring the bitter taste. He had to admit, that despite the taste, he already felt better.

“We’ll leave you to sleep for awhile if you want.” Andy 

“Sleeping won't cleanse your drunken soul.” Patrick said in a mock-serious tone.

“It doesn't matter.” Joe said, changing the subject “What does matter is that you” he pointed at brendon dramatically “ were hiding something from us.”

“Me? What do you mean? I tell you everything!”

“You didn't tell us about how you're going to audition for panic!”

Brendon froze “Audition?-For- for Panic?

“Yeah, remember? When we were in that bar, you stood on the bar and announced that you were the new member of Panic! And everyone laughed but Ryan said “actually you're just auditioning”? We’re so happy for you kiddo, really, I mean you could be on tour with us. Like actually performing and stuff”

“And you should have seen Patrick” Pete butted in before Brendon could say anything “He was hugging you and saying stuff like “my baby's getting all grown up” and acting like a hysterical mother.”

“Pete!!!!” Patrick whined.

Brendon laughed in spite of himself, imagining Patrick doing exactly that, but then remembered the task at hand.

He didn't want to disappoint them by telling them he didn't want audition but he was terrified at the thought of doing it, “When did I say I was auditioning for Panic?” he managed to gulp out.

“Uhh…” Andy paused “The next break day, California, I think.”

The rest of the group nodded happily. 

“When is that?” 

“Tomorrow, after tonight's show.” Pete said, then clapped his hands together, “Speaking of which, we’ve gotta get to the soundcheck. I would get some sleep if I were you” he leaned in and ruffled Brendon’s hair, then left the van. Patrick, after kissing Brendon's hair, left after him. Joe gave him a hug before leaving as well.

“You don't need to do it, you know” Andy said and Brendon titled his head in a silent question.  
“The audition, I saw your face when we mentioned it, it looked as if you'd seen a ghost, even with the hangover.”

“It's just...I- I do want to, kinda but…” he leaned into Andy, his head resting on his shoulder “ I'm scared.” 

“Life is scary. You know? I mean, living with the uncertainty of what you're gonna do, who you're gonna be and some of us? We never find out. But you, Brendon, you are a person who has a certainty, a chance to be remembered. I've heard you sing, and man, you're amazing. I'm not even kidding. So I know that you're certainty is the stage, you belong up there Brendon, you deserve to have certainty.”

Hearing Andy say that much in one conversation surprised Brendon, as he knew Andy was a quiet person but, in it's own surprising way, it was the motivation Brendon need.

Andy pulled Brendon into a long hug, filled with a comforting silence. For some reason, silence with Andy wasn't the same as silence with anyone else. It wasn't awkward or boring, it was if the only time the two truly understood each other, it was the time where no words were exchanged.  
Brendon knew he would it. It is only an audition, isn't it? There wasn't even a guarantee that he would get in the band. To be honest, if he didn't get in, he didn't know if he would be upset or relived.


	12. Reclining on a red vintage recliner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has been so long!

The second night went just as well as the first, the only difference being that Brendon didn't drink anything. Spencer continued to talk to him as if they had been best friends all their life, and Jon was being unusually talkative, probably because brendon was auditioning for the band but Ryan...What could he say about Ryan? He’d been ignoring brendon but that hadn’t stopped Brendon from staring at him when he thought Ryan wasn't looking. How could you not stare at a face like that? If only Brendon knew that when he looked away, Ryan thought the exact same thing about him.

After congratulating all the bands they went outside to meet the fans who had waited for them. Brendon was shocked at the amount of people there was. They all screamed when the bands stepped out and rushed forward, as if they could push through the gate and security guards that held them back, to hear them chanting names, shouting “I love you”s to the bands, it made Brendons heart flutter a bit. Could he ever be like that? Could he ever hear people chant his name? If he joined panic!, would that dream come true?

After watching the bands sign autographs and take photos, they headed to the room where all the instruments were stored, some of the stage hands were already starting to pack away. They got out the smaller instruments like guitars,cajóns and tambourines and ordered pizzas.

It was a very different atmosphere than it had been the previous night, once they got the pizzas, they had just talked and lazily played songs. Whilst the previous night had been celebrating and booze, this was in a way much better, 3 groups (plus Brendon) just being together and talking and doing what they love, living their dream. Brendon, who was sat in between Patrick and and, stretched out and lay in Patrick's lap, sighing contently. He never wanted this to end, it was just to peaceful.

During that night he had discovered something new: The Beatles. The bands had just finished their pizza and were picking up stray instruments to play around with when Ryan started playing “Hey, Jude” on his guitar, singing softly, and soon enough everyone had gradually joined in, except for brendon who had never heard the song before. From Patrick's lap he had the perfect view of Ryan bent over the guitar, his hair falling in his face. He looked like an angel. Suddenly he looked up and met Brendon’s gaze, his singing never faltering, it was as if they were the only ones in the room. No, the world. Looking deep into his deep brown eyes, Brendon couldn't help but fall but fall asleep…

He awoke with a start, his head shooting up. They were in the van but it was stopped and the whole of Fall out boy was there and Patrick was the first to speak.

“Morning, Bren! How you feeling, nervous for the audition?” he spoke with pride.  
“Um- yeah,I guess.”

“Don't be modest little one!” Pete said with a grin, “You're gonna kill it, I'm sure.”

“Panic! Was speaking to us the other night, after you fell asleep, you just need to sing a couple of their songs and have fun! They said be at the practice room by 1:30 and right now it's 10:30 so if you want we can all go get breakfast, yeah?” Joe said as he looked around for the band's approval, everyone nodded.

“Well we’ll leave you to get dressed,” Patrick said and they all left the van.

Brendon knew as he got dressed he should be feeling nervous, if you had asked him to do this a week ago, he would have locked himself in the toilet and threw up from the nerves. But, just by being here, seeing what life was like on stage, it had given brendon some much needed confidence and he had never felt more excited.

Breakfast was amazing and everyone ordered pancakes, except for Patrick, who had mumbled something about not being hungry. After a huge stack of pancakes and a delightful combination of cheerful conversation and syrup, then cup after cup of coffee, it was 1:15.

Everyone wished him luck outside of the practice room and then went of for a soundcheck. Pete, stayed behind for a moment,

“Listen, I don't know what you've been through but the glimpse I got into your life, I know it was bad. But that's in the past, ok? I know you'll probably never forget but you can't ever stop trying. It might get hard and some days you may even feel like giving up but never stop trying because it's worth it, trust me. You're gonna go far, I know.” he tilted his head down and kissed the top of my head. It was so unlike Pete that I was rendered speechless. He looked at me with a reassuring smile and then left. I took a deep breath and went into the room.

The one thing that fall out boy had requested for every day of the tour, even the days off, were practice rooms. Pete told me that his greatest inspirations came from touring , that and a guy named Mikey, which he won't talk much about, so because of this the practice room was always there and ready to use. This size and style were always different and this one had a red vintage recliner, a black table with two white chairs and instruments of all variations were spread throughout the room

The other two chairs had been pulled away from the table and were beside the recliner and on the chairs sat Jon and Spencer. Ryan however was spread across the recliner, well, reclining. He looked up as I entered the room, as did Jon and Spencer.

“Hey Brendon!” Spencer greeted me happily and Jon gave a shy wave.

“Don't worry about the audition, just have fun and sing ! plus, if you don't get in, well, no hard feelings, okay?”

“Yeah, sure.” I said, in a failed attempt to act calm.

“What instruments can you play?” Spencer asked.

“accordion, bass, cello, drums, guitar, keyboard, organ, piano and trumpet. I'm still working a bit on the trumpet and cello but the rest I can play pretty well.”

“Wow! When did you start?”

“I would say… 2 or 3 months ago?”

“No shit! And you can really play them all?” Jon’s voice sounded slightly disbelieving

“If you asked me to do a song and gave me the music, there is a 99.99% chance I could play it.” he paused for a minute “Why are you wanting a new band member now?”

“We used to have 4 band members” Jon said “Ryan was always the lead singer but we had a bassist called Brent and well…” Jon trailed off looking uncomfortable “He's not welcome here anymore.”

“We need someone with a stronger voice” Ryan said, finally speaking “We have a lot of song ideas that include higher and lower notes, stuff that i couldn't dream of singing, not with my range. I'm fine with not being the lead singer, it was a bit stressful anyway, so I'm content with just writing and singing as a backup.” he gave Brendon a smile “What are you gonna sing?”

“Em, I was gonna sing “Hey there Delilah” he was reminded of the time Ella had sung it to him in a soft voice, it was the first time he'd heard a song that wasn't religious.

“Okay,” Spencer said with a soft smile “Whenever you're ready.”

All his life Brendon was told that he was nothing. Sometimes in words, by his father or mother. Sometimes the world made him feel that way by taking away Ella, his aunt, the only person who understood him and giving him a musical talent that he couldn't use when he was younger. Sometimes by his own head, the little voice that's always telling him things like that: you're not good enough, you couldn't ever be in a band, you're parents were right when they called you a disgrace, you're- 

He took a deep breath “Hey there Delilah, what's it like in New York city?”


	13. A mysterious brooding emo with too much guyliner.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really, really sorry for the lack of posts. hope you haven't forgotten me!

“Oh, it's what you do to me…” he let out a huge breath of relief at the last line, and focused his blurry gaze on the band members. During the song he couldn't see anything, except the faint memory of his young auntie, lying beside him after a particularly harsh beating, holding the young silently crying boy, and her singing to him softly. He blinked quickly to get rid of the tears threatening to spill. Ryan had already heard him singing before, so his face held a smug grin. The others however, Spencer and Jon, looked at him in amazement, speechless. 

 

“Well, did I tell you or did I tell you?” Ryan said.

 

“Brendon,” Spencer said, his ability to speak returning to him, “That was beyond brilliant.”

 

“When can you join?” Jon asked with a smile.

 

“Now,hold on a minute,” Pete said, as the whole of Fall Out Boy burst through the door, Patrick entering with the biggest grin on his face that Brendon had ever seen.

 

“We couldn't help but overhear a certain someone’s audition and that certain someone did exceptionally well,” Pete said cheekily, winking at Brendon.

 

“Oh, my baby is growing up!” Patrick said, bursting out crying and sobbing into Andy’s shoulder while he patted him on the back and murmured, “I know, I know.”

 

“Before you can join Panic! You need to sign a contract for my label.”

 

“Um… Okay? Where is it and I'll sign it.”

 

“The thing is I don't have one written up yet,” Pete said awkwardly as Patrick gasped dramatically.

 

“Peter Lewis Kingston the 3rd, are you daring to say that my darling child cannot join Panic! ?” Patrick angrily questioned.

 

“No! No, don't worry babe. My manager is coming over tomorrow to discuss the details of it, I've just hired her, best in the business, because i'm hopeless with the stuff.”

 

“Is she the one that's all mysterious and emo and doesn't even tell people her name?” Spencer asks,sarcastic humor clear in his tone.

 

“Yep, that's the one. Prepare to meet the mysterious E. Rose tomorrow.” Pete said laughing. 

 

“What is everyone doing in here?” Tyler said, him and Josh suddenly appearing in the doorway. Whilst Tyler looked his normal self, Josh looked rumpled in a sense, messy hair and all sweaty.

 

“Now what have you two been up to?” Joe asks curiously.

 

Josh’s cheeks go as red as his fiery hair, “Nothing- nothing at all- just, you know...erm...stuff?”

 

Tyler turned to face him in a mock expression of shock, “Nothing happened? I wouldn't call our little backstage rendezvous nothing,” he wrapped an arm around the embarrassed Josh, “I love you Josh Dun.”

 

“And I love you Tyler Joseph,”

 

“Ahem.” Pete said amusingly, “As sappy as that was, you do realize we're still here, right? Don't start dry humping with an audience.”

 

Josh’s cheeks turned even redder, something Brendon thought wasn't possible.

 

“Stop embarrassing my bae,” Tyler gave Josh a quick peck on the cheek and turned to face the others. “We came to get you all because I'm hungry and want a takeaway. However, I'm also incredibly lazy therefore I don't want to be the one getting the food. Thus, you all come in. i will sit here and you will all get me food, yes! Teamwork, sounds like a plan.” the words came out in a thunderous rush and soon Tyler was out the door, dragging Josh with him.

 

“Well, even know I didn't hear all of it, I think Tyler wants food.” Jon said, and everyone laughs in agreement, starting towards the door in little groups of different conversations. Brendon eagerly joins in, the nerves of performing almost disappearing, leaving behind only the adrenaline and thrill of being in a band. Brendon, in a band? Who would have thought it! Certainly not himself, that's for sure.

 

Throughout the tour he had always seemed to be on the outside looking in, being part of the group but not the band. Now, this was his chance to not just widen the keyhole he'd been looking through, but open the lock. To be someone, to get remembered. To be important.

 

After the large group had assembled a makeshift table and chairs for dinner from a few boxes outside their vans, Pete and Andy went out to get Chinese, which was the closest takeout they could find. As Joe pulled out a cooler of various beers and sodas from the van, Brendon looked for Ryan, as they hadn't talked since the band audition. When he couldn't find him, he went to where Spencer and Jon we're sitting, 

 

“Don't worry about Ryan's disappearances,” Spencer said in answer to Brendon's worried question, “he does that a lot, just vanishes and then returns minutes, hours even days later. No explanation, as he likes being a mysterious brooding emo with too much guyliner. But, just like a cat, he always returns.”

 

“He's like a hormonal teenager, just got to get him in the right mood and he’ll be fine. Otherwise he's grumpy, angry, sulky or God knows what else!” Jon tried explaining Ryan's emotions further.

 

“Okay, thanks guys.”

 

“Anytime bro,” Jon spoke, “We're band mates now, practically brothers.”

Brothers. The word sounded casual coming from the laid back tone of Jon but Brendon felt his heart skip a beat. Family had meant nothing but hatred and pain to Brendon when he was younger but Pete,Patrick,Andy and Joe had taught him something different. Blood isn't family, love is. He loves Panic! At the disco and they love him and that is what a real family is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its pretty bad I know. I just want to be a cool fan fic writer but it isn't working out. Thanks for reading if you've made it this far.


	14. I wanna be remembered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haven't edited, sorry

The next day was a festival. Brendon was disappointed because he wasn't going to be in the band for this one, as the “mysterious” manager was coming to first watch the show, then discuss contracts. 

Brendon ran about all over the place, giving water and helping out with all the bands and artists participating, and there was a lot of them. He found himself drowning in the talent surrounding him, and he started doubting whether he even belonged among them. Halsey, one of the artists with short black and blue hair, looked at him in concern, “You ok Brendon? You look like you're about to faint,” Brendon just nodded and cleared his dry throat, “I'm fine.”

He walked away, quite pleased that she had remembered his name. He hadn't heard of her music, but he did hear her warming up. She had a cool voice, original and different. Plus she treated Brendon with respect , whereas most of the people he met treated him as if he were just some fan. Which in some way he was, because My Chemical Romance was RIGHT THERE! Surely he was allowed to let out a small scream. He had walked away in embarrassment with the looks he got from them, only Frank looked like he was used to it.

He went to the edge of the stage, leaning against one of the speakers, he could hear thousands and thousands of fans gathering on the field where the makeshift concert had been made. His hands were shaking, how had he ever thought he was cut out for this? He wasn't good enough to be like them, to dress in designer, sexy outfits, grab a mic and perform like no one's watching. He couldn't do it, he started thinking about where he was, surely he couldn't be that far away from his old home? He could hitch a ride, then live out his miserable life, in a terrible home, marry a girl he didn't love, live out his long, long life, and die in his bed. He deserved THAT life, not the life he had now, surrounded by stars, people that would get remembered. He didn't belong among them.

He let out a sob, as well as the breath he didn't realise he was holding, “I don't want to go back, but I can't stay here.” His words were murmurs that only he could hear. However, Ryan had other plans.

“Big boys don't cry,” Ryan said, appearing from the other side of the speaker, a cigarette lazily hanging from his mouth and a dangerous smirk in his lips. Brendon noticed how hot he looked in that exact moment, and wish he had his camera with him. (He had left it at his old home when he ran away) Brendon then realised how ugly he himself must look, red faced with tears running down. He wiped them with the sleeve of his tight fitting long sleeved black t-shirt, “Fuck off”

“Come on, why are you crying? Was it because of MCR? Because I can swear they're not telling everyone about “The hot dark haired fan who started screaming when he saw them” Brendon inner facepalmed. 

“It's not that, it's the part where I'm just another fan, among the greatest stars, among the people who saved my life. Their music, saved me. And I'm just another fan. There's nothing special about me.”

Ryan pulled the cigarette out of his mouth, letting it lay in his hand, he used the other hand to grab Brendon's chin, and tilted his head up to face him. “Listen to me, you're special. You belong. You belong here. With me- I mean with the others. You're you, which means no one is else could be you.” Ryan's eyes were burning with passion, his words fierce yet his tone bland, his face unchanged and unemotional.

A moment later Ryan stepped back, putting the cigarette into his mouth and inhaling a long drag, letting the hand on Brendon's cheek fall to his side. Brendon could only look at him, bewildered, at Ryan's burst of emotion. 

“You,” Brendon said when he finally found his voice again, “-You better be going soon, the festival will be starting,”

“Alright,” then Ryan left without saying goodbye, a devilish smirk on his lips, Ryan knew exactly what he was doing to Brendon, and it drove him insane. Because he knew one word from Ryan's lips, and Brendon would be his.

He walked away from the speakers, after hearing the crowd get bigger and louder. He found a good spot backstage, and watched the bands perform. Everyone brought a different energy, everyone gave it their all. With each person who came, that made it looked as if they owned the stage, the world, the music that filled Brendon's ears. After watching it, Brendon decided on one thing; He would be on that stage, he would be remembered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so short! I just wanted everyone to know I am in fact, NOT DEAD. I want to post more, but we all know that aint gonna happen. Oops, oh well.


	15. After the after party coffee morning

The after party was just beginning. In was in a giant club, lit with pink and purple fluorescents. It had been opened for only the musicians and their guests but that hadn't stopped the countless screaming fans from crowding the entrance, held back by the cold embrace of hard hearted bouncers. Most of the musicians lingered outside to greet them, creating irreplaceable memories for fans by simply ‘being’. Brendon stood beside Fall out boy awkwardly, while they drowned in the flash of cameras and the fans tears. He was only reassured in knowing that when they resurfaced, they would be there for him, as they always were. Finally they waved goodbye and rejoined Brendon at the long black doors marking the entrance to the club. Entering with the thud of music welcoming them in, they dove into the dark yet illuminated club. There was singing, dancing and just in general music. Brendon could feel the atmosphere coursing through him, engulfing him in an energy and emotion only music could express. And here he was, surrounded by the people who understood his unexplainable emotion. The people who want through this emotion constantly, while writing music, performing, meeting fans. Brendon felt understood.

He sat with Fall Out Boy and silently watched everyone get more and more drunk as the night went on. Panic and Twenty One Pilots were long gone, out making future connections with the “in” bands right now. Brendon wasn't drinking tonight, as being an underage drunk was not a good first impression on his possible future manager. But as the night drew on and Brendon could soon only talk to Patrick or Andy (as Patrick didn't drink much and Andy had swore off the stuff) and there was still no sign of the mysterious manager. “Don't worry!” Pete had slurred into his ear, not abiding by Andy and Patrick's sobriety rules. “He-I mean- SHE” Brendon's ears rang at his change in volume, “She will be her-I mean, here- soon. It's only,” He paused to look down at his watch, spilling half of his drink over him in the process. “It's only 3 am! There's plenty of time for her to get here.” He had seemingly forgotten that she was supposed to have come to the festival and meet them before the after party, but being so drunk you can't remember your own name does tend to have that effect on people.

Brendon sat, from that point, waiting and staring at the entrance for something, anything to happen. He didn't really appreciate getting stood up by his future manager, especially when his future band was nowhere in sight. But still, as the sun rose, and celebs and music makers alike began to filter out, all hope left Brendon as he stepped out of the club and into the open air and bright morning sun accompanied by sober Patrick and Andy who were currently engaged in the extremely difficult mission to keep Joe and Pete from falling over and keeping them walking to the car that was waiting patiently at the bottom of the steps for them.

They managed to get them both down the stairs and into the car that Andy had called for them, the young dark haired driver didn't comment on either of the men's drunkenness and, if he recognized the band, he certainly didn't show it. It was a quiet drive back to the remnants of last nights festival, where there tour bus was parked, filled with hungover regret from Pete and Joe, disappointment from Brendon and sympathy from Patrick and Andy for all of them. There was a lot to be said in the silence, only broken by Pete and Andy's hungover groans and the driver's awkward coughs. Brendon filled the silence by putting on his headphones and blasting his music to drown out all noise.

Pete and Joe immediately collapsed into their bunks, and Andy started making his “secret” herbal remedy, famous for curing any hangover. Also famous for its terrible taste. Brendon went to the back of the bus and to his bunk, to try and find his book,he had developed a passion for reading, yet he often was too energetic to sit still and read for long. Today however, the disappointment of the missing manager had managed to calm his usually hyper soul. He started rooting around the messy drawers beneath his bunk, searching for it.

“I don't want it, babe” moaned Pete, when Patrick attempted to get him to drink the herbal remedy that Andy had passed to him. Andy was also struggling to get Joe to lift his curly haired head from the pillow it was currently buried beneath. “I would kill for a coffee.” Joe, hidden beneath his afro and the pillow, mumbled incoherently in agreement.

Conveniently, the door to the bus opened and in came a stylish, energetic girl with White faded into pink and purple hair, styled in a lazy, wavy, hippy kind of way and she completed the look with her pastel flower crown. She wore a light blue blouse with black ripped jeans and wore black Doc Martens embroidered with brightly coloured flowers. In her hands were an obscenely large amount of coffees in her hands, which she dumped on the counter. Brendon hadn't seen or heard her yet, still with loud music blaring in his ears and occupied with digging into his seemingly endless drawer full of clothes and the like to find his book. When she spoke he didn't catch her words.

“Alright motherfuckers, your Lord and saviour is here; I brought coffee!”

Pete waved his hand in the air with as much enthusiasm as he could muster, and Joe mumbled into his pillow with more enthusiasm “That's why you're out manager.” Patrick said happily, grabbing a coffee for him and his boyfriend, Pete sat up wearily and grabbed it. Andy did the same for Joe, who managed to lift his head up and grabbed it from him.

“Listen guys, I'm really sorry about missing your festival, but I just signed this new, upcoming band called The 1975 and I had to go out to the UK to sign them.”

“It's fine, E. Panic’s new singer, Brendon, is just there, looking for his book or something.”

“Brendon? Cool name,” her bright blue eyes darkened slightly, her smile faltering for a split second. “I knew a Brendon, once.” Her smile resumed almost immediately, “Let's meet the lucky fella then, I mean he's been living with you for almost 6 months and I still haven't met him, and now I find out he can sing and play instruments? Is that him.” She pointed to Brendon, laughing, and picked up her coffee. Currently only his legs were visible from where she was standing, as he had his head practically shoved into his drawer, when suddenly he found his book and jumped up excitedly, his headphones falling out in the process. “I found it!” he waved “The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy” proudly, he didn't notice his new manager, E. Rose 

When she looked at his face, however, she spat out the coffee she'd been drinking.

“Brendon!” her shocked voice causes all the band and Brendon to look up at her in bewilderment. Even Joe looked up from his pillow.

Brendon had not given much thought about what his new manager looked like. But, even though she had changed drastically, as she now looked more mature, prettier and much happier, he would recognise her face anywhere.

His new familiar manager looked at him with tear filled eyes, and his face crumpled. She repeated his name, softly, with all the emotion she had, poured gracefully into that one desperate sounding word.

“Brendon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm... I wonder who it could be? Yep. You guessed right, it's painstakingly obvious. Oh well. xx


End file.
